25 March 2014 @ 10:39 pm
Almassy Legacy [8.4]: Here's To The Crazy Ones  


Just a heads up: I had a lot of stuff to squeeze in before the heir poll so this is a pretty meaty update. There's around 120 pictures in here! In the last update, Madrine and Joseph finally got around to having a wedding, complete with surprise incest! My favorite! Pavo and Noel started up some stupid obsession with Leon, who was busy striking out in every romantic encounter. Everyone somehow survived to teenhood, including Sam the perpetually ignored nerdlinger.



Celeste: Well, I like makeup but--GRRRRRRRRR HATE ORION SEEEEEEEEEEEETHE



Damn, Celeste. Think of your blood pressure.



So if you remember from the last update, Orion got some magical genie-granted beauty and it gave him and Fae THREE BOLTS EEEEEEE. So now she's making a return visit to see him! I said a million years ago that someone was gonna eventually end up dating Fae. I feel totally psychic right now.



And oh WOW I forgot how easy and pain-free dating is with three-bolters! Everything between them boils down to "I BARELY KNOW OR CARE ABOUT YOU BUT I LOVE YOU NOW"



Awwwwww yeah, Orion. Get that first kiss!



(lmao hoverhands)



Sam: Congratulations! I wish I knew what it was like to feel the touch of a woman!



Fae: Ex-CUSE me but there's a wolf on your porch and it's IN MY WAY!
GODDAMN WOLVES! GO HOME! Wait, why's Fae here anyway?



Her magical ~Three Bolt~ status with Orion apparently gives her the right to just barge into the house and eat three plates of pancakes, because she feels like it. Okay!



Celeste: GNAWWWWAWAARGGHHH
Sam: OOOOWWWWOWOWOW
EXCUSE ME! Do not go all Mike Tyson on your little cousin, please.



lmao these two don't even care. They literally had the lamest old grandpa dance together; you can see Frey swingin' his arms around like he was going down to the ol' hootenanny.



Celeste: Peeaaaaaaaaaarson! Want a hug?
Pearson: Sure!



Celeste: SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER! KERSLAP!



Celeste: FUCK YOU, I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND.



Celeste: Because what I really want to be is your ~GIRLFRIEND~!



Pearson: No. Are you insane? NO.



Celeste: But how come he doesn't LOVE ME? :(
Uhhhhh, I'm not even going to touch this one.



Sam: Shhh poor baby, let my slaps soothe you shhhhhhhhhhhhh



Orion and Fae continue to rub it in further. LOL. I love these kids.



Orion: Indra!! Indra Indra Indra guess what I got a girlfriend and SHE LIKES ME and we kissed and and and



Indra: Can you hold on? I'm kinda busy with things. Like dying.
Frey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



Frey: NO
Madrine: whatthefuckeverbye.
What's YOUR problem? Can't anyone die around here without someone pissing all over the proceedings?



Bye, Indra! ♥ Now she can ascend to the pantheon of amazing legacy spouses and talk shit about Liam and Akiko for all eternity.



Everyone (including a mime???): BAAAAAAAAAW INDRA!
Celeste: BAAAAAAAAAW I GOT MY ASS BEAT
gg celeste, great priorities



Between getting beaten up and Indra dying, she's having a pretty horrible night.



So she flips out and runs away. Bye Celeste!



Frey: grumble My stupidass kid ran away. Not like I care.



LIES! I know you're a huge manbaby about it.



Anyways, time to call the popos!
Frey: YES HELLO, I LOST MY IDIOT DAUGHTER PLZ HALP



The police in South Sedona are pretty freaking amazing, because a cop car rolls up with Celeste before he even hangs up the phone. Not that I'd expect any lesser treatment from the SSPD for the Family Of A Million Cops.



So far, the award for 'Most Successful Marriage' in this legacy has to go to Madrine and Joseph. They've never cheated on each other, attempted to kill each other, or otherwise shat all over their relationship. And they're both romance sims! Instead they just obsess over each other for hours.



And I do mean HOURS. I watched these two slobber all over each other outside until they literally froze solid. STUPID!



Really. Madrine is lucky that Frey is nice enough to be forced to heat her up!



Madrine: Oh god help me I'm trapped right underneath his creepy undies
PUNISHMENT! PUNISHMENT!



Hi River! Nice to see you come over and insult everyone for no reason!



Joel: Why does EVERY family member of mine have to be a raging asshole?
I don't know. You'd think everyone would like to spend SOME time not looking like they're hoarding thumbtacks in their ass.



OH SHITS A BURGLAR! I thought the main legacy house was never gonna get robbed at this rate!



GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, ASSHOLE!
Burglar: Nyeh heh heh! Wait, what's that noise?



Burglar: Oh man, I ALWAYS forget! Alarm means RUN AWAY! Stupid stupid stupid!



It takes a while, but the police finally show up. Officer Ham (lol) is on the case!
Officer Ham: Oooh. Oooooh! Wait, hold on. Charley horse! Oh god. Give me a second.



Now normally when I've been burgled, the robber gets the fuck out of there as soon as they hear the alarm, waaaay before the police ever arrive. Mr. Burglar here was actually kind enough to wait around for the cops!
Officer Ham: DIE, CRIMINAL SCUM!



Everyone: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FUCK DA POLICE!
OH COME ON, YOU IDIOTS! THIS GUY WAS GONNA ROB YOU!



Are you serious? God, this guy sucks.



Officer Ham: Well, that just happened. Sorry for letting a robber kick my ass and run away.



YOU HAVE SHAMED ME, OFFICER HAM! I BELIEVED IN YOU



:(





YAY! After that smorgasbord of failure, it's nice to have something go right! It seems like everyone keeps hitting their LTWs in elderhood (if at all) so having someone go perma-platinum in adulthood is pretty sweet.



Oh my god. All the kids managed to sit down and eat lunch with each other... PEACEFULLY. I'm saving this picture for posterity.



Well, it's also a 'goodbye' pic, as I'm finally shipping everyone's asses off to college!



Frey: ABLOOBLOOBLOOOOOOOO
So of course Frey has to revert back to his normal state of 'screaming and crying'. Come on, man. Even Madrine is happy that her kids are going and she was as checked out of parenthood as he was.



Sam: I'm gonna follow in your footsteps and go to college, just like you! Well, except you just dropped out at the end. Maybe I'll try my hand at that whole 'graduating' thing instead.



Frey: .................
Smoooooooooth, Sam. Although to be fair, out of Frey's many accomplishments in life (banging stepmommy, getting anally probed by aliens, never holding a job, etc), being a college dropout is possibly the highest honor of them all!



Madrine: LOL BYE CHILD WHOSE NAME I FORGET. He's mine, right?
MADRINE ALMASSY, A+ PARENT





No Indra and no children around means Frey immediately wants to fill the void. LOL NO. It's childcare slavery for you, buddy! I'm not even going to entertain these wants because...



...I'll be focusing on university instead! I like getting a little uni padding in before the heir poll, I think it helps a lot.



So immediately upon arriving, THIS happens.
Pavo: We're hugging?! I feel so VALIDATED!
What the hell? Leon never wanted to be Pavo's friend ever, but they take one step into university and suddenly it's all 'HI PAVO MY BEST BUDDY!! LET'S HUG IT OUT OL' PALLY FRIEND CHUM'



But for everyone else, it's still business as usual!
Celeste: Asskicking commencing in 3... 2... 1...



Celeste: BAM, STONE COLD STUNNER! BOOYEAH.
Okay, at this point, you guys can do whatever the hell you want to each other as long as vital organs stay intact.



In CelesteLand, winning fights means you LOSE aspiration points and immediately dip into aspiration failure.



Celeste: I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH! WE GET ALONG SO WELL HUEHUEHUEHUE
Oh, Celeste. You darling little failboat, you!



Pavo: Oh man, can you say CRAZY or what?!



Naked Lady: LAUGHING AT YOUR SISTER'S MENTAL BREAKDOWN IS SO HOT. TAKE ME NOW, YOU BIG STUD!



You mean Pavo WOULDN'T like the idea of immediately porking some random streaker? Color me shocked.



although I bet it's only because there's someone else in the picture
Pavo: You didn't invite me to play mahjong? I see how it is.



Leon gives no shits! But he'll still bask in the glow of having family members squabble for his attention, because when the hell does THAT ever happen around here?



Pavo: NO EATING MAC AND CHEESE, BITCH



Celeste don't care. That's the magic of drugs therapist visits!



Noel: NOOOOO WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO SAM? I NEED TO OBSESS OVER YOU FIGHT YOU MORE WAAAAAAAH!
LEAVE LEON ALONE, GODDAAAAAAAMN



Orion gets to meet Professor Craig, Violet's old fuckbuddy from eons ago. I don't know why he's here though. Is he even teaching any of them?... Well, if he's anything like the other professors, his schedule is made up entirely of lurking around dorms to score freshman pussy.



He's not gonna have any luck here, because Pluto and Leon think he is BUTT-UGLY.



I don't think the RAEG face is really necessary dude



OMG KNIGHT! SHE'S BACK! I missed her wacky ass last time!



Of course, once Canhead realizes her mortal enemy has just rejoined the dorm, they immediately start duking it out in the dining area. It's just like old times again!



UGH, THESE FREAKIN' SLOBS. It's only karma that these two would have one whole neat point each. This dorm has seen many messy sims but nobody's ever managed to start flooding the showers before.



Orion cleans up every puddle without me even telling him to. MY BABY ♥



Orion: OH HELLO DON'T MIND ME



Orion: YES I AM SCRUBBING THIS SHOWER VERY WELL



I lost Pavo for a bit and I finally found him sleeping in the stupid coffin that's not even in his own room. If he's entertaining dreams about becoming a vampire, it's not gonna happen.



Celeste: HAY THERE SEXY BOVINE! WELCOME TO MAH DANCE PARTY!
Cow: sigh



Celeste: RAISE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE!
Can we not? Can we just act normal for once? PLEASE?



I'm saying that like everyone ELSE isn't doing stupid crap, like Sam here, who dressed up in his finest unitard so he can flash his butthole at New Coach.



Orion's just busy tormenting poor sea creatures.
Orion: Rawr!



Moray Eel: WHO'S MOCKING ME? I KNOW SOMEONE'S DOING IT RIGHT NOW.



He's not mocking you! He's just pretending to be one of the fishies. :3



Fae is finally, finally free from the confines of Townie Hell and gets to attend university too! Hooray!



Orion totally won the girlfriend lottery because she is freaking drop-dead gorgeous.



The genie magic's long gone by now, but they still scrounged up two bolts for each other. That's pretty good!



Fae: Damn, you are fiiiiiiiiiiine! Wanna take me to your room?
Sam: *scoots in on the presence of female attention*



Elf Dude: She's the most hideous person I've ever seen... I-I need to go sit down.
Right, because the women you date are so much hotter? Oh wait, all you do all day is piss yourself and pass out after watching kids TV shows in the common area. Okay then.



HOT POWER COUPLE SEX TIME? U WISH UR FAVES COULD
Orion: *hoverhands*



Celeste has no one in her life and this makes her ~depressed~



She needs some good manmeat to perk her up! Unfortunately that means I have to see my least-favorite person, the matchmaker.



Celeste: I want a super hot boyfriend!
Matchmaker: MONEY TALKS AND BULLSHIT WALKS, LADY



Don't get too excited now! Honestly, don't.



LMAO
Celeste: I paid four thousand dollars for THIS?



Grandpa Date is so repulsed by Celeste that he just... walks away........



Celeste: No wait, come back! You might be kind of hot!



Yeah no, I think I'm gonna splurge on the Twenty Dollar Date Special instead. And look, he's already way hotter than the first guy! I hate you, matchmaker.





GAH! I didn't recognize him in that coat, but that date was definitely the New Coach. So he's a little pissed that he got dumped, okay, but the bigger question is why does the matchmaker give me so many shitty dates?!





Date #2 is okay I guess. Celeste mostly did everything but pay attention to the guy, so they had a really generic and boring date.



That doesn't stop her for dropping her panties for him once it's over!



Celeste: WOOOOOO! Try to tell me that my dates suck NOW, bitches!
What are you even trying to prove?! Your date's over! It doesn't even matter now!



STOP DOING YOUR BUTTHOLE SQUATS SAM, IT'S REALLY CREEPY



I was really lazy and kept putting off moving the dorm's small collection of graves off the lot. Even though the first floor has a bunch of ghost-be-gone portraits set up, one of them managed to come in and scare Canhead to death anyway.



Pavo's the only one still up so it all rides on him now. Come on, man! You got this!



NOOOOO! NOT CANHEAD! Why couldn't it have been one of the dormies I DON'T care about? D:



Sigh... in other stupid things, earlier I heard crying coming from Pavo's room and discovered the cow mascot roaming around in there. I don't even know how she got in, because I'm positive the room was empty when he locked it.



And at the very end of the day, as I'm telling Pavo to finally go to bed... I see that this stupid asshole is STILL HERE! You're not a dog! You can't just piss on things and mark your territory!



Cow: WAAAAHWAH! I'm trapped! Somebody help me!
Richie Peaseblossom: OH, BOOHOO. TRY BEING DEAD!!
You know you can just... leave...right...?



Cow: No, I think I'll just stand right here. Rescue missions do take awhile.
Pavo: G-Good night?



Only in The Sims can you fall asleep to the sweet sounds of some random lady in a cow suit crying in your ear for eight straight hours.



Welp, that's it for the first helping of college... 'cause it's time for VOTING EEEEEE! Here's one last look at the wonderful gaggle of idiots you get to choose from!

-------------------------------------------

THE GENERATION EIGHT HEIR POLL IS HAPPENING! Second to last one, holy crap. This is also the biggest poll by far with seven kids to choose from! I thought about cutting the poll down to four candidates, but naaahhh, I'm keeping everyone eligible to become heir. Speaking of which, here are your potential choices!

YOUR CANDIDATES ARE...



LEON ALMASSY
EXTREMELY HOPELESS ROMANTIC
Popularity/Family
4|9|7|2|4
+: brown hair, creativity
-: full face makeup



NOEL ALMASSY
HEY, YOU AGED UP INTO THAT OUTFIT, PAL
Family/Pleasure
4|9|7|2|3
+: fitness, blond hair
-: full face makeup



ORION ALMASSY
CUTEST ORGANISM IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE
Pleasure/Fortune
1|0|10|7|8
+: black hair, creativity
-: blond hair



CELESTE ALMASSY
INTERGALACTIC TERROR
1|7|10|10|4
+: red hair, glasses
-: fatness



PLUTO ALMASSY
JUST DON'T CALL HIM A DWARF PLANET
Knowledge/Fortune
10|0|10|5|10
+: logic, glasses
-: grey hair



PAVO ALMASSY
STAR WRECK: DEEP SPACE WHINE
Family/Fortune
10|0|10|0|10
+: black hair, fatness
-: hats



SAM ALMASSY
OWNS FIFTY FULL MOON WOLF T-SHIRTS
Popularity/Family
2|10|9|5|4
+: red hair, plantsims
-: unemployed

Who would YOU like to see as heir?
  
pollcode.com free polls 


VOTING IS OVER!
VOTING WILL END SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 30th, AT 5PM PST. If you vote after the cutoff time, your vote will not count! (You can always pitch in votes later for fun though!) I'm going a little longer on the voting this time because my week coming up is gonna be suuuuuper busy, blah. But enough about that! Thanks guys for reading!