22 July 2014 @ 08:09 pm


IT'S HEEEEEEERE! :D A quick recap of the last update: April and Drew continued to be ignored and undisciplined children. Paloma hit her stride by boning some random guy she met on the school bus, while Wade and Ronnie contended with a horrible date with crazy Carlotta. Meanwhile, Frey won the Guinness record for Fastest Novel Ever Written! (but no one ever said it had to be good)



We now return to the legacy in progress, with Frey trying desperately to prove that he's a nice grandfather or something!
Frey: Good night, April! Sweet dreams!



April: snrk Grandpa? I'm up here...
Frey: OH SHIT I ALMOST GAVE RONNIE AFFECTION! That was close.



Gee, which one of these two lucky guys gets to fix the shower? I vote Wade due to sheer proximity!



Wade: Fix a shower when I haven't even had BREAKFAST?! What a blatant violation of worker's rights!!



Drew: The real puzzle is, how are you still such a giant virgin??
Ronnie: :(
Uh, maybe you should skip breakfast today.



Oh hey, this guy is still fucking here in Madrine's bed.



Fae: Good morning, guy who deflowered my daughter!



Mr. Devirginizer doesn't share the same sentiments though. He's a brave person to do the uggo convulsion in front of her, she's not afraid to kill a man.



OH, GREAT. He's one of the annoying Twikkii Island dudes.



Madrine: You LIKE listening to my vacation stories? SCORE!!!!!!



Celeste: Thank god I got married and moved out of this shithole.



Too bad tiny sim brains can't resist a good greeting!
Celeste: OH NO! POLITE HOSPITALITY, MY ONLY WEAKNESS!



Madrine: Ooohoohoo, for ME? ♥
Probably not, but she ferreted it away before I could check who it was from. I swear, if it's another date invitation from Carlotta I'll burn it.



Celeste: GOD, I HATE SAM!!!!!!
Hey guys, remember when Celeste and Sam would fight at every freaking second of the day? Or did you try to scrub that from your memory like I did?



Lemme tell you, I don't miss this either. I like my Orion peaceful, not trying to pummel Celeste's face in.



Paloma: Hello, guy who deflowered me! I see you still haven't left!
He's breaking the cardinal rule of a one night stand: GTFO afterwards!



If you wanted to see Celeste's kids as teens, here they are: Ren's on the left and Harley's in the middle, and on the right is their dad Lankin, who has finally deigned to give an appearance.



And here's teen Victor, still with the same ear-obscuring haircut!



The special occasion for today is: April's birthday!!
April: That... no one is here for...



Ren: Sorry about that! I was real busy, had to stand around and twiddle my thumbs a bit, you know how it is. But now we're here!
April: NO, YOU'RE TOO LATE. EVERYTHING IS RUINED!



Ha! Good thing I don't care about successful parties. So let's see, does she age up well?



YES! GORGEOUS! My little weirdo, all grown up! I keep waffling back and forth on whether she's a Fae clone or not, but now I'm thinking not because of her chin: to me her face looks more oval-y than her mom's. She's got Popularity as her primary asp and Knowledge as her secondary.



Drew: OH WOW, APRIL GREW UP AND HER CHIN LOOKS SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT. WHO CARES.



Madrine: Well, aren't YOU all sunshine and smiles today.
Drew: THAT'S RIGHT, THE SUN'S JUST SHINING STRAIGHT OUT OF MY ASS



Drew can act as tough as he likes but there's no getting around the fact that he inherited the "whiny crying shitbaby" gene!



Drew: BAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!
Fae: Hush hush, yes, poor baby, et cetera et cetera. How much longer is this going to take?



THE FACE OF TRUE BADASSERY!



Paloma: What part of "sleepover" don't you understand? You've been here for TWO DAYS now.
Devirginizer: I THOUGHT WE WOULD MATE FOR LIFE, LIKE A BEAUTIFUL PAIR OF SWANS!



Devirginizer finally agrees to leave, but only in exchange for some erotic chin-sucking action. Yuck.



More beautiful April for your viewing pleasure!



I happened to look out the window and saw something scuttling outside. GAH!! It creeps me out whenever that happens IRL, why's it gotta happen in my video games too? D:





Frey, that's... really considerate, I guess... but I can guarantee that Liam is not going to give a crap.



Liam: Yep, don't give a crap.
Frey: OH YEAH? WELL FUCKING EAT IT, DAD



Blah blah blah, more cousins on the bus, blah blah OH LOOK IT'S COCONUT TITTIES!



April decides to be completely awkward and hide in the doorway to stare at her.



AHA! Mystery solved!



April: No, come on, you can do this, April! Just play it cool, April.



April: WOAH HOLD ON, GOTTA WATCH THIS CRAZY GAME ACTION FIRST!!!
April, noooooooo! :(



Well, maybe someone else will have some successful dating shenanigans! I'll tell you right now that nothing exciting is going to happen between Paloma and Mopcut here.



Wade wanted to date Coconut Titties, and when she agreed to go out with him the first time, my game suddenly crashed and blipped out of existence. Really, this was some sort of sign.



Coconut Titties: Why are you punching me in the head? Aren't we on a date?!
Hey, the universe already tried to warn you once about dating him!



Oh look, she's already crying. Wade tends to have that effect on women.



But I can't really blame him for once. Instead it's REN of all people who got a wild hair up his ass and decided he hated Coconut Titties.



Coconut Titties: I DON'T LIKE THIS MAN SANDWICH I'M IN AT ALL!



Wade: So, I see you ruined my date. I will end you.



April, you want in on this?
April: Meh.



WELL GUESS SHE'S ALL YOURS THEN, YOU LIL' ASSHOLE! HAVE FUN!



What's hilariously out of place in this picture?
Fae: I know, it's my daughter. Now shoo.



SIGH. ♥ These two are just nuts for being together but I love it anyway. :D
Orion: *hoverhands*



Frey: eight cooking points and yet he still burns bacon! MASTER CHEF!



Wow, more interesting ghosts? I can't think of the last time I saw Poppy and Violet out together.



Violet: BITCH.
AWWWWWAAAAHHH. I MISS YOU GUYS AND YOUR NEVER-ENDING HATRED. ;O;





What conversation topic has April so excited?



I... see.



April: Did you guys do it on top of a desk just like in a movie?!



Paloma: Yes! And he gave me a fat briefcase full of money afterwards!
GURL, THAT IS JUST PROSTITUTION! And also untrue.



Paloma feels pretty lukewarm about yet another one of her school buddies she's dragged home, but I think she still might have a shot with him!



Guy: STOP! IN THE NAAAAAAAAME OF LOOOOOOOVE!



Guy: BEFORE YOU BREEEEEEAK MY HEAAAAAART---!
Paloma:



Okay, let's talk about something Paloma actually DOES want. Frey has been a bad influence on her, because nearly ALL of her wants revolve around wolves. OMG MUST SEE WOLF, OMG WEREWOLVES SO KEWL, OMG FREY HOWL PLZ!!! She sounds like a DeviantArt wolfaboo from 2004.



And what she really, really wants is to become a werewolf too. So how about we make that wish... come true?
*DRAMATIC LIGHTNING CRACK!*



LOL. Please try to look less happy about this.



Frey: So you wanna join the werewolves, eh? WELL JOIN THIS! ENGARDE!
Paloma: GRANDPA THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE



This is the most theatrical werewolf savaging I think I could've ever asked for! It's got dramatic family tension! Booming thunder! Creepy, unnatural lightning flashes thanks to my stupid graphics driver!



Okay, maybe the eerie classical music is a bit excessive, but nice touch anyway.
April: I try!



Frey: Okay, hazing over. Don't forget to pay your club dues at the end of the month!
Paloma: My dignity!



Werewolf!Paloma is very cute, but it bugs me that she can't have her alien eyes while transformed due to the werewolf eye overlay. Oh well, she'll throw a fit if I change her back to normal now so for the time being, the furriness can stay!



WOLF PEOPLE! WOLF PEOPLE! TASTE LIKE DOG, TALK LIKE PEOPLE!



Coconut Titties: Werewolves are okay, but MAN, ALIENS ARE SO CREEPY AND SCARY! I HATE THEM!



And now, 'How to Deal with Conflict', starring the Almassys. First is April with option #1: a polite, self-effacing smile and a prayer that they'll hurry up and start talking about something else. And here's Paloma, showcasing option #2: THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY??



Paloma: WRONG, aliens are totally awesome. Especially me!



Paloma: You see, I was potty-trained.
Coconut Titties: WOW! SO COOL!!
This is a legitimate bragging point. Not very many people in this legacy managed to master urinary continence.



April: What? Becoming a werewolf didn't give you giant, luscious boobies?!



April: ALL THOSE ROMANCE NOVELS LIED TO ME!



Oh Wes, you picked the wrooooooong kid to come home with today!



Savaging people is just good, plain fun. I'd probably like the zombie apocalypse challenge, wouldn't I?



Joseph: Don't worry, I'll give parental supervision! WOOOOOOOOO!



Joseph and Paloma: *politely turn away from insta-dog puberty*



Oh, NOW she's all over him! Is he more fun to rub down now that he's hairy?



Ronnie: That's a good idea! Ladies DO love the backrubs!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO



I'm surprised Drew shows up in this update as much as he does because he's seriously antisocial. He's had a whole day where all he did was play by himself and not talk to anybody... it's easy to forget he exists for a bit!



But Joseph takes the cake for me forgetting his existence - I checked the house funds and was like, "wait, how did I get an extra twenty thousand dollars?!" and only THEN did I notice that Joseph had been dead for like two hours. I poked through everyone's memories and the only person who even acknowledged his death was Madrine. LMAO. Oh Joseph, you poor bastard. Thanks for the monies and a stupid glitchy urn!



Drew: And don't forget he'll be good bug chow.
Wow, that's morbid. Anyway, there's Fae in the back calling in the Impromptu Party Squad™!



TOOT TOOT YES LAST GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OF THIS UPDATE.



Drew: Gotta brush off the haters before you can move forward in life!
What haters? For that matter, what human interaction?



Okay, let's see how he turns out! No whammy, no whammy!



I had high hopes for Drew growing up to be fine as hell and man, he did not disappoint. TALK ABOUT GOOD-LOOKIN'! He rolls Knowledge and Romance, which isn't a bad combo - now he can be a recluse AND a ladies' man!



But suddenly: DESPAIR!



Why? OMG PEOPLE IN THE HOT TUB ARE TALKING ABOUT CRUISE SHIPS AND I DON'T LIKE IT



Here's April with her full-blown HYPE FACE playing some sims game at three in the morning. I like to imagine that this represents a good 90% of the sims community.



Fae, however, has no time for video games! She's too busy getting cut!
Fae: OH FUCK OW MY TEETH



Fae: WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO THIS? KISS. MY. AAAAAAAAAASS!
Hey, I take no responsibility for whatever gets put into the wants panel.



Showoff!



Orion: WOOOOOO! Even old age can't stop my wife from getting jacked!
Wait, what's this now?



NOOOOOO! I'M NOT READY FOR OLD ORION AND FAE! D8 I need a delay!



You guys better haul your pimply asses and get packed, 'cause you're going to COLLEGE!
Paloma: Wait, right now?



Paloma: Oh, wow, you weren't kidding.
Yep, welcome to your new home, kids!



WELCOME BACK... TO DEATH DORM.

-------------------------------------------

THE END DAYS ARE NIGH. THE GENERATION NINE HEIR POLL IS UPON US! Who would YOU like to saddle with the unfortunate responsibility of being the final heir? But before we get to the votin', let me explain the poll a bit.

- First place, second place, and third place will ALL become heirs. Yes, I'm doing triple heirs and yes, I hate myself.
- Fourth place will find peace in boring sparedom obscurity.
- Fifth place will get a SPECIAL BOOBY PRIZE for sucking so hard!

The poll itself has ticky boxes so you can pick multiple options. Choose a little, choose a lot - it's up to you! Just remember that like before, you only have one chance to vote!

YOUR CANDIDATES ARE...



WADE ALMASSY
THIS GUY MADE MY GAME EXE DISAPPEAR, I JUST KNOW IT
Family/Romance
4|1|10|7|3
+: blond hair, full face makeup
-: mechanical



RONNIE ALMASSY
DREAMS OF BECOMING CAPTAIN SAVE-A-HO
Pleasure/Family
4|0|9|7|8
+: hats, mechanical
-: witchiness



PALOMA ALMASSY
'I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF' MEETS 'BABY GENIUSES'
Knowledge/Popularity
5|10|10|2|6
+: grey hair, witchiness
-: facial hair



APRIL ALMASSY
SHE'LL BRING YOU MAY FLOWERS
Popularity/Knowledge
6|5|10|4|10
+: brown hair, plantsims
-: glasses



DREW ALMASSY
YOU'LL NEVER FIND A SEXIER HERMIT
Knowledge/Romance
9|0|5|7|8
+: black hair, full face makeup
-: robots

Who would YOU like to see as heir?
  
pollcode.com free polls 


VOTING IS OVER!
VOTING WILL END TUESDAY, JULY 29th, AT 5PM PDT. If you vote after the cutoff time, your vote will not count! (You can always pitch in votes later for fun though!) Okay, that's all I've gotta say for this one! Bye polls, it's been fun. :D And see you guys next week!
 
 
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